Lunch-and-Learn Speaker on Women’s Equality: ‘We’ve Got to Keep This Fight Moving Forward’
During preparation for her lunch-and-learn Wednesday on women’s equality, Melissa Sexton talked to her mother about what her experience was like as a woman at the Exchange, where she worked from 1974 to 2011.
“When she started with the Exchange, most upper-management or executive-level positions were held by men,” said Sexton, who in June 2021 became the Exchange’s first female Director of Financial Analysis. “If you were a woman in a leadership role when my mom began with the company, [my mom] said, you tended to be more tenured or didn’t have any children or the children were already out of the house.”
Sexton’s mother, who endured one boss who asked all the female associates on his team about whether they were married and how many children they planned to have, said that it probably wasn’t until the late ’80s and ’90s that she began to notice more female presence among upper management. But she was skeptical about the progress.
“In her opinion, it didn’t feel like a natural progression,” Sexton said, “but more like AAFES was trying to make a quota.”
Sexton, a third-generation Exchange employee—her great aunt worked for the Exchange from 1969 to 1997—also had questions for her daughters. The oldest wants to be an architect; the youngest has a passion for weather sciences.
“I asked them individually, so they couldn’t hear one another, ‘Do you think you can achieve the profession you are interested in?’,” Sexton said. “Both of them, individually, told me yes. There was no pause, there was no question. They were confident.”
But then Sexton asked her daughters whether women pursue whatever profession interests them. They both said no. Sexton changed the question to “Do you think that jobs are equal for men and women?” Both girls responded it depends on whether it’s a “male-based” or a “female-based” job. Sexton asked them to elaborate. They both said “teacher” is a female-based job because teaching positions are generally held by women, and men who teach are expected to also be a coach.
“I found this very surprising and kind of odd, because their Grampa is a teacher,” Sexton said. “He teaches eighth-grade science. He is not a coach, he’s never been a coach, nor does he want to be a coach.” But the female-teacher stereotype was stuck in their minds.
When Sexton asked the girls what they thought of as a male-based job, the youngest said football, and the oldest said Supreme Court justice.
“The consensus I got from them was that these professions are lopsided, because that’s how it’s always been,” Sexton said. “My kids never said that having predominantly women teachers or men judges was right vs. wrong, but I could tell that they did not agree with the status quo.”
Sexton, who began her Exchange career in 2001 working the second shift in a MILITARY STAR call center, didn’t take too much notice of the gender mix at the time—except that her immediate supervisors were women and the executive management was all male.
“It was probably when the top three leaders of the Exchange were all women that I started to take notice,” Sexton said, referring to Maj. Gen. Kathryn Frost, the first female commander of the Exchange; Brig. Gen. Toreaser Steele, the first female Black vice commander (who became interim commander after Frost left); and Marilyn Iverson, the Exchange’s first female chief operating officer. All three were in their positions between 2002 and 2006.
“This was pretty new and exciting,” Sexton said. “As a female, I thought, ‘OK, there are opportunities. There is ground being broken here.”
Around the same time, Sexton became a manager. She felt that her efforts were being recognized. She received promotions. Her confidence grew—until she had a boss who made her second-guess herself.
“Six of us reported to this manager,” Sexton said. “Five of us were female and the sixth was a male. … When I would speak [during meetings], I would find that my manager would look over to my male co-worker for concurrence. At first I thought it was just because I was new to them team, [but then] I realized he was doing it to most of my female colleagues.”
Although she was angry about this, Sexton did not confront the manager. Instead, she apologized to her male co-worker because their boss had put him on the spot.
Taking a lesson from that, Sexton resolved to speak up, especially when she became involved in decisions that affected Exchange financials. One of her bosses even gave her a pep talk and told her to be herself. And she did—and received criticism that might not have been directed at a man.
“I have been labeled too direct,” Sexton said. “I guess I spoke up too often. I got to the point. I didn’t add fluff when I was sharing my opinion or asked for my opinion. I thought I was being an effective leader, making confident decisions, keeping the train moving without losing time and money. This is how I saw leaders before me, and this is how I perform.”
Sexton believes that her experiences, as well as those of her mother and her daughters, illustrate that although women’s equality has come a long way, it still has room for improvement.
“I feel that we have to do better for our future and for ourselves,” Sexton said. “We need to continue to provide equal opportunities and not quotas, like my mother’s experience. We need to be OK with women speaking up and speaking their mind and not sugar-coating the situation, like my experience. And we definitely do not need to be settling for the status quo because I don’t want my daughters to grow up in that future.”
“As women, we have gotten here because of someone else’s actions, or their journey, or their accomplishments, and we need not to forget that,” she continued. “We need to make those before us proud and those after us even prouder. We’ve got to keep this fight moving forward.”
Sexton’s talk was presented by Special Emphasis Group POWER (Promote Opportunities for Women by Effecting Results) and timed for Women’s Equality Day, which is Aug. 26. You can view the entire presentation here.
